Roadmap to world domination – 1: Planning and Plotting
Like you all (should) know, i’ve been working hard for many years to achieve world domination. Ruling the world alone is usefull in many ways even if not for the cheesy pickup line “Hey baby, wanna rule the world together?” you could use in bars. But, there are also useful plans! As for a start, i’ll dismantle any currently existing organisations which have anything to do with music licensing rights and replace them by a single governmental body which cares about artists instead of their own pickets. Furthermore, there will be a worldwide ban on cats due to practicing satanism. Only cats without sharp nails and the ability to make any noise whatsoever. But, that requires – rather painful – surgery and even though i’m evil, i’m not curel. So, all cats move to a dome on the moon.
Apart from this, all countries will get new laws and the most important changes in them will be that everyone has the right to receive and posess a rubber duck. Don’t ask.
Apart from all of this, i will look for as many useless laws and rules i can find, just to remove them. Daylight savings time for example. Aren’t we all done with it?
Apart from this ill introduce the conversion to Giant Days. Days will be taking 36 hours instead of 24. A year would count 243 gDays and we will have a leap day once every three years and we’ll call it the Zeroth of August. It will be a paid day off for everyone.
Off course, hell will break loose on 0th of August. But, thanks to shotguns (Did you ever realize how stupid the name “Shot Gun” is? Why didn’t they at least name it “Shoot gun”. But then again, it’s still stupid as pretty much any gun is made for shooting) ‘the power’ (no one knows who they are and what they do, but they’re damn happy they exist) manages to keep order. During carnaval season they are out in public, but only in sounthern parts of the Netherlands.
Furthermore, New York will be renamed back to New Amsterdam, and the dutch town of “America” will be renamed to Schubbekutteveen.
Just because it looks awesome on a street name sign.
Flanders will become part of the Netherlands, and the rest of Belgium will be sank to a recreative lake.
This concludes the first part in my stories about world domination. If more will follow? I don’t have a clue.
As for now… Move along people. Nothing to see here.
This article was translated to English and republished on the 18th of February, 2016.